Extrovert Stamina
So at Houghton we have this required course called First Year Introduction, which is really just this gerneral college student information course, and for the large part a waste of time. I mean, there's value to a lot fo the information we get in it, but I feel like it's not worth what goes into it.
Anyways, among the 30 or so upperclassmen student leaders for F.Y.I. next year are my roommate and my girlfriend, so I get to hear pretty much all about what they do for trianing and such. They recently took the Meiers-Briggs (or whatever it is) personality test, which led to some pretty interesting conversations, not the least of which was her realization that we are completely opposite... I am a ENF-P and she is a ITF-J.
Really though this is mostly about my introspection and trying to figure out the many parts of my identity that I am so confused and lost about what to do with. One of these is the part of me that I have always treasured that has me bouncing around from person to person and group to group, always interacting with tons of people and not having one single group of friends to really call my own.
In high school this was borne out of the fact that I had a large number of very close friends that were based in very different groups, and I went from group to group to be with those individual people.
Now, it's based off of me just being so accustomed to bouncing from group to group that it's what I do naturally. And I have come to realize that I don't really know how I feel about this.
My roommate considers himself an introvert - I have long known that he is not one at all. For instance, last year when he was gone during MayTerm I was something of a social introvert, because I didn't really want to be at meals or around large groups of people without him there... I realize that most of you won't believe this at all, but it was true. He also has aquired himself a harem - not really, but we did just have a conversation about the 8 people he is married to, by Houghton standards.
So I wonder why he considers himself an introvert. But upon thinking along these lines as I was cleaning tonight, I decided it was an issue of stamina. I think that he considers himself an introvert because he spends a lot of time alone in our room, or maybe talking with someone else on the floor. I, on the other hand, still view my room as for the most part just a place to sleep (I left this morning for my 8 A.M. class and didn't get back until 10:30 P.M.).
And with all this going on, I have still noted to myself several times in the last semester that he simply seems to have so much more people energy than I have. and that doesn't make sense to either of us, and I don't know that he would even believe it.
But the realization I came to is that the real difference between us is that he takes time to "recharge" as it were, while I am constantly surrounded by other people. I can't really think of a time during the day where I am deliberately alone, or deliberately take time to think about my life and how I need to relate to other people.
Which is related to how I think that I have nothing that is the kind of guiding force in my life, but that's a longer story for another day.
But it has become second nature for me to always go looking for people. And because of this, I know an incredible amount of people on campus... There are probably less than ten other people on campus that can claim the same amount of people that I know. So it's all too easy to just go out and see someone and stop and have a conversation with them.
But because of the way that I have set my life up, I don't really have anything to offer people beyond a quick-fix. I can make them smile and laugh, or offer a hug and a word of encouragement, but beyond maybe three people I just don't have the ability to care / remember / consciously think about more than one or two people on anything but a surface level.
Because I'm so constantly surrounded.
And never alone.
As Dr. Bressler pointed out to me, I have such tight control over how I spend my time that I have left absolutely no room for God to work in my life.
So, I really need prayer.
Not only that I can begin to understand my identity in Him, but that He wil give me the strength to change to who I need to be, and also that He will give me the wisdom to know how to pass my time in His service, and not in my own.
And that I can have the strength to once in a while be alone.
Anyways, among the 30 or so upperclassmen student leaders for F.Y.I. next year are my roommate and my girlfriend, so I get to hear pretty much all about what they do for trianing and such. They recently took the Meiers-Briggs (or whatever it is) personality test, which led to some pretty interesting conversations, not the least of which was her realization that we are completely opposite... I am a ENF-P and she is a ITF-J.
Really though this is mostly about my introspection and trying to figure out the many parts of my identity that I am so confused and lost about what to do with. One of these is the part of me that I have always treasured that has me bouncing around from person to person and group to group, always interacting with tons of people and not having one single group of friends to really call my own.
In high school this was borne out of the fact that I had a large number of very close friends that were based in very different groups, and I went from group to group to be with those individual people.
Now, it's based off of me just being so accustomed to bouncing from group to group that it's what I do naturally. And I have come to realize that I don't really know how I feel about this.
My roommate considers himself an introvert - I have long known that he is not one at all. For instance, last year when he was gone during MayTerm I was something of a social introvert, because I didn't really want to be at meals or around large groups of people without him there... I realize that most of you won't believe this at all, but it was true. He also has aquired himself a harem - not really, but we did just have a conversation about the 8 people he is married to, by Houghton standards.
So I wonder why he considers himself an introvert. But upon thinking along these lines as I was cleaning tonight, I decided it was an issue of stamina. I think that he considers himself an introvert because he spends a lot of time alone in our room, or maybe talking with someone else on the floor. I, on the other hand, still view my room as for the most part just a place to sleep (I left this morning for my 8 A.M. class and didn't get back until 10:30 P.M.).
And with all this going on, I have still noted to myself several times in the last semester that he simply seems to have so much more people energy than I have. and that doesn't make sense to either of us, and I don't know that he would even believe it.
But the realization I came to is that the real difference between us is that he takes time to "recharge" as it were, while I am constantly surrounded by other people. I can't really think of a time during the day where I am deliberately alone, or deliberately take time to think about my life and how I need to relate to other people.
Which is related to how I think that I have nothing that is the kind of guiding force in my life, but that's a longer story for another day.
But it has become second nature for me to always go looking for people. And because of this, I know an incredible amount of people on campus... There are probably less than ten other people on campus that can claim the same amount of people that I know. So it's all too easy to just go out and see someone and stop and have a conversation with them.
But because of the way that I have set my life up, I don't really have anything to offer people beyond a quick-fix. I can make them smile and laugh, or offer a hug and a word of encouragement, but beyond maybe three people I just don't have the ability to care / remember / consciously think about more than one or two people on anything but a surface level.
Because I'm so constantly surrounded.
And never alone.
As Dr. Bressler pointed out to me, I have such tight control over how I spend my time that I have left absolutely no room for God to work in my life.
So, I really need prayer.
Not only that I can begin to understand my identity in Him, but that He wil give me the strength to change to who I need to be, and also that He will give me the wisdom to know how to pass my time in His service, and not in my own.
And that I can have the strength to once in a while be alone.
posted by Foolish Thing Nine at 8:56 PM
1 Comments:
Wow! I totally relate to what you are saying. I am the same way. People think that I am an aggressive person because I know the names of almost every one here on my campus but in reality, I would not talk to any one if it hadnt been something that I have all ways done...
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