It's way to early

So it's 625 and I'm just like getting home and finishing packing, and no one else in my house is awake.. It's rather entertaining actually, because I am completely dressed and ready to go to church in an hour and a half and play in two church services before I get on the bus to go to NYC. Man, what a great time that is going to be... Hanging out with some of my favorite people ever, away from all the stress of Topeka... well, some of it at least. At least I won't be running around at 500 mph and not sleeping or eating like I do here... oh wait.

Well it's not like any of this is unusual for me. I talked to a ref friend of mine tonight at T-West prom (which was awesome) and he signed me up for Gov Cup... On my next prom weekend and a wedding weekend after that... Why do I do this to myself? My only consolation it seems is that there is little less than a month less of school, and I can catch up by sleeping for all of the next week after that until I play in the next wedding.

I don't know what else to say, and am beginning to feel that this is a wasted post, so I'll end with part of a Foolish Things song, just because I like it.

"If these walls could talk,
Would they show how strong's my walk?
If these walls could sing,
Would they make heaven ring?

And I wanna fly away,
And I wanna see You in a new way."

I'm so ready to fly away from all of this, yet at the same time can't imagine my life any other way. Aah, high school :D

A simple reminder that I am nothing 

Pensee

"Yet it is good to be weary and frustrated with the fruitless search for the good, so that one can reach out one’s arms instead to the Redeemer."

Pascal, Pensee #130

So true. But in the depths of despair, how many people will turn first to their Redeemer? I far more often see people turning to all the wrong things when they know better, when they know that there is only one way for anything to get better. But do they do it? No.

And it saddens me so much because I always hear the excuse that they couldn't go to the Redeemer right now because they would feel to guilty, or wrong, or like they were using Him. To which I would point them to C.S. Lewis' idea of the Redeemer's Divine Humility.

Either that, or just tell them that they are stupid, the Redeemer doesn' work like that and He says "Come to me just as you are. Come hurt, used, tired, abused, bruised and broken. Come to my arms, enter my rest, and know the blessings that I have for you."

So much simpler that way.

I felt like posting a picture, so here is some of the Redeemer's beauty. 

Rough

What exactly you've accomplished,
Heaven knows but I sure don't.
I'd like to say that you were perfect,
But since you aren't, I surely won't.
They all know that you care and that you only want the best,
And hidden deep deep down they know that you are right;
But right's not always most correct,
And pointing all this out will only make them fight.

The Glorious Pink hair

So I'm a sucker for little kids... most of the time. So when my children's pastor comes to me and asks if I want to lead the boys team for the Kid's Krusade, I'm like sure, that'd be awesome! So we start talking about team colors and decorations and what I need to do and the big competition that's a part of it and it's all guys vs. girls etc...

So we are trying to figure out what should happen to the losing team leader. She totally wants to dye my hair, but obviously since she is a pastor we can't really do that to her...

Well, it ended up really not mattering. ON average, there were maybe 15 guys there per night, and 40 girls. So when the competition categories are which team has the most kids, which team has the most Bibles, which team brings the most for offering, and which team is the loudest, I'm fighting a losing battle.

So at the end of the week when the girls beat us something like a billion to nine, she dyes my hair neon pink in the fellowship hall in front of all the kids and most of their parents, and thus the pink hair was born.

Man I miss that, even if most of my friends thought it was CRAZY and most everyone else that saw it just thought I was gay. But I liked it, and that's all that matters right? :D

And, if you didn't notice, I learned some html and got my pink font back, yay!

This is me back when I had the awesome hair! 

LessNess-ism: Worthlessness

So I shamefully stole (with every intention to ask for permission) the idea of lessness-ism (it might be longer than that, but that's the gist of it) from an exiled teacher that I really liked when he still roamed around CP. But I realized that there are many ness or less or nessless or lessness words that I could write on, so I figured I could make it a recurring theme for a while... At least as often as I post.

I don't really feel like going in depth on this right now, and really am only posting because of my severe guilt for not having done so in some time; so I'll simply leave you with this song about what a person is worth.

And now I'm really upset because I have to type the lyrics out because foolishthings.com doesn't have the lyrics link anymore... GRR. But you should still all go there anywhere, and especially note that they are having a free concert May 7th in KC.

"Can't Believe"

I know by the way, that you watch me
Wishing I'd been someone else
Stuck here with me, I know I'll never be
Like the people on magazine shelves.

And I don't know where we forgot
We're all worth enough to be bought
With a life.

And I still can't believe
That the same voice that spoke all the stars into space
Says He loves me, and He made me,
Nothing less than what I'm meant to be.
The things I believe, have been misconceived,
By this heart that can't understand love;
Help me to see what You see in me.

I felt in your touch that you loved me,
But I'm drowning in all the world's lies.
The way that I see is untrue to me,
So this human heart's asking me
So in Human eyes...

And I still can't believe
That the same voice that spoke all the stars into space
Says He loves me, and He made me,
Nothing less than what I'm meant to be.
The things I believe, have been misconceived,
By this heart that can't understand love;
Help me to see what You see in me.

And I don't know where we forgot
We're all worth enough to be bought
With a life.

-Foolish Things

Pretty powerful stuff, especially with the music. If you are interested in hearing it, lemme know and I'll bring you the cd sometime :)