I'm sure there's a very good way that I am built the way that I am
Sometimes, I don't even get myself.
No really.
You all look at me and laugh;
Sometimes you are amused,
Sometimes you are ecstatic,
Sometimes you are just annoyed.
The point is that you see me.
It takes a very sheltered person not to.
But what does that mean?
I am not the center,
not the focus,
not the point around which you revolve.
I should not be so important,
so overrated,
so blown out of proportion.
Yet you all see me.
Strangely though, that has nothing
To do with what's going on now.
The way that I am built,
The way that I am feeling,
The way that I am hurting,
Right now is emotionally.
No, I haven't been hurt emotionally.
I'm not angry, used, abused,
Or torn or ripped apart at someone else's hands.
Well, I may be, but that's beside the point.
I am just feeling
What guys don't like to feel.
Real.
There's some stereotype bs
That says that boys don't cry.
I'd beat to tears the man that started that.
Not that I have a problem crying in front of other people.
Anyone who has been to youth camp with me should know that.
The point is that I now have all these emotions,
Out of nowhere,
That I don't know what to do with.
But they won't go away.
I feel like I just want to have this massive emotional outpouring-
But I don't know what emotion,
What time,
Who do shove it all on,
Where I should be,
And whether or not it would be right.
For me, for them, or for now.
So instead, I get this jumbled
Prose, randomly broken in
Line, just like my thoughts are
Broken
In effect,
Since I can't bear to
Try to write this out like
An essay.
That would be boring,
And I wouldn't be able to do it justice.
The point is that I'm hurting,
The point is that I'm scared,
To let them go a running,
To let my anger flare,
Or sorrow scream,
Or fear fly,
Or passion parade,
Or tears trickle (or flood);
I don't know what to do
With all the things I feel inside;
The corny part of me knows that
The next line ends with hide.
I know that I am lost,
Afraid and unafraid,
My feelings all are mixed up
In a twisted wind-blown braid;
Andthat'showI'mfeelingwithnofinality...
No really.
You all look at me and laugh;
Sometimes you are amused,
Sometimes you are ecstatic,
Sometimes you are just annoyed.
The point is that you see me.
It takes a very sheltered person not to.
But what does that mean?
I am not the center,
not the focus,
not the point around which you revolve.
I should not be so important,
so overrated,
so blown out of proportion.
Yet you all see me.
Strangely though, that has nothing
To do with what's going on now.
The way that I am built,
The way that I am feeling,
The way that I am hurting,
Right now is emotionally.
No, I haven't been hurt emotionally.
I'm not angry, used, abused,
Or torn or ripped apart at someone else's hands.
Well, I may be, but that's beside the point.
I am just feeling
What guys don't like to feel.
Real.
There's some stereotype bs
That says that boys don't cry.
I'd beat to tears the man that started that.
Not that I have a problem crying in front of other people.
Anyone who has been to youth camp with me should know that.
The point is that I now have all these emotions,
Out of nowhere,
That I don't know what to do with.
But they won't go away.
I feel like I just want to have this massive emotional outpouring-
But I don't know what emotion,
What time,
Who do shove it all on,
Where I should be,
And whether or not it would be right.
For me, for them, or for now.
So instead, I get this jumbled
Prose, randomly broken in
Line, just like my thoughts are
Broken
In effect,
Since I can't bear to
Try to write this out like
An essay.
That would be boring,
And I wouldn't be able to do it justice.
The point is that I'm hurting,
The point is that I'm scared,
To let them go a running,
To let my anger flare,
Or sorrow scream,
Or fear fly,
Or passion parade,
Or tears trickle (or flood);
I don't know what to do
With all the things I feel inside;
The corny part of me knows that
The next line ends with hide.
I know that I am lost,
Afraid and unafraid,
My feelings all are mixed up
In a twisted wind-blown braid;
Andthat'showI'mfeelingwithnofinality...
posted by Foolish Thing Nine at 6:18 PM
13 Comments:
So...how was everything? Did you enjoy your trip and how did God work while you were ther? Let me know whats going on.
well i think i can kind of relate to all of this. its the end of the year and the people that you have spent the past 9 months with, you are suddenly leaving for three months. sure it may not seem that long, but when you think about how much time you have spent with these people in the past 3 months...well thats a lot. anyways, i hope things get worked out...just so you know, its okay to be the way you are, and its okay to let people see who you are.
yeah, i have two weeks left (till may 18) and then i head home to a place i don't know very well. im excited to get to see my family, but it will be weird not to spend the summer in topeka with everyone. I have been so encouraged by the way the Lord has blessed me. I hope that he has blesses you as well. Good luck with your last few days of school!
I've deleted my old blog. I have a new one, but I'm only giving it out to certain people. I'll tell you where to find it. Just letting you know.
I love you just the way you are and you should know that.
I need to make a correction to my statement: I love you now just the way you are, I loved you then just the way you were, and I will love you always no matter who you become!
I. Love. You. Just thought I'd tell you. We should talk like we did the other night more often!
Hey. I saw your dad a couple days ago out at Sports Center...he was there w/ Westar playing Par 3. I told him to tell you hi for me!
While this will likely go unnoticed here beneath all those comments, I'm leaving it anyway! As soon as you get the chance, give me a call. We haven't talked in forever.
so let me ask you this: why wont you be going home all summer? also i agree that being away makes you realize what is important.
second, i am very excited about playing soccer with little kids. it will give me something to do in this unknown state. what will you being doing this summer, are you working?
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